Scammers are everywhere these days, and they’ve even made it into the world of BDSM, so here are some common examples, along with how to spot them, and what to do if you think you’ve been scammed.
- The “Are you ready to serve a real Mistress?” scam.
- The “My Master is willing to transfer me to a new owner” scam.
- The Dungeon Booking / Dungeon BnB scam.
- The Wishlist / PayPal / CashApp scam.
- The “I know a Dom who’ll be perfect for you” scam.
- The “You need to be trained before I’ll accept you” scam.
1. The “Are you ready to serve a real Mistress?” scam.
This is the most common scam going, and people get sucked in by it every single day.
What it looks like
The victim will receive an unexpected DM on a social media platform, dating website, Reddit, FetLife or other online messaging system. It will start innocently enough – “How are you?” or similar – and then ask if the victim is a sub, have they had a mistress before, how much experience they have, then after a few more messages the scammer will ask if the victim is “ready to serve a true Mistress”.
If the victim says yes, then they’ll be asked for personal information and photos, perhaps given a couple of simple tasks, then when they’re hooked the scammer will ask for their “tribute” or say there’s a “registration fee” to register the victim with the “BDSM Council” or the “Mistress Register” or some other official-sounding organisation. Then they’ll be told there’s a monthly fee, and they may also be told that they need to buy a set of sex toys.
At this point, if not sooner, the scammer will try to move the conversation over to Kik, an anonymous platform which is very popular with scammers.
The “Mistress” will either try to avoid giving any form of ID or pictures – they’ll say things like “You have to earn a picture of me” or tell the victim that if they don’t trust the “Mistress” then they’re failing their test. If they DO send a picture, it’ll be stolen from some unsuspecting person’s social media (or a legitimate pro Domme’s website). Sometimes they’ll have a piece of paper in the picture with the victim’s name on it, but it’s been photoshopped in. They’ll either turn down video calls in favour of sending a (faked) video message, or they’ll use a filter. I know of one case where the scammer actually hired someone on one of those sites like “Fiverr” to pretend to be the “Mistress”! As of 2025 it’s pretty easy to use AI to fake things too.
Here are some example conversations with scammers – these are from my Sir Dax account on reddit, which is VERY clear about the fact I’m a Dominant. Only an idiot, or a bot, would think I’m interested in having a “Mistress”. The first two screenshots in particular show that this is just a bot – it’s not reading or understanding my answers, just going to the next line in the script. I’ve deliberately been cheeky, and in fact the “Goddess Tyburski” one went on for ages!
What’s the scam?
The “Mistress” does not exist. The BDSM Council does not exist, and while a few people have set up “slave registration” websites, they’re not mandatory, they’re not globally recognised by everyone in the lifestyle, and they’re free. One of them went offline for a few years, so they’re not even reliable.
The “mistress” is usually not even a woman, just some some guy running a bunch of bot scripts that crawl for accounts that are active in D/s spaces like Reddit, Twitter, Fetlife etc and then messaging them standard texts.
The scammer will sometimes say that the victim has to buy a set of sex toys – they’ll be sent a link to buy something that costs hundreds of pounds/dollars or more, but it’ll never arrive – the “shop” website is run by the scammer.
The scammer will sometimes say that the victim needs to book a session at a dungeon, which may also include a fee for sex toys, and again, it’s not real – the dungeon doesn’t exist and nor do the sex toys.
The scammer will usually want payment via something you can’t get back – crypto or Paypal Friends & Family or bank transfer – never by credit card or anything that gives you protection (when doing a bank transfer, you’ll be asked to confirm you know the recipient and to confirm it’s not a scam, so the bank will refuse a refund because you lied). Also remember that some payment services will close your account if you use it for sex-related services. If you refuse to pay, they may threaten to use any images or videos you’ve sent to blackmail you (they won’t go through with it).
Why does the scam work?
The scam targets inexperienced submissive men, because some of them are very eager to find a “Mistress” and think it’s their lucky day when one seems to contact them. Their inexperience means they don’t understand that women don’t just DM random men for sexual activity, and their eagerness means they are unlikely to bother with even basic safety checks.
How to avoid this scam
First, don’t pay anything to ANYONE you don’t know – that’s internet 101, really, but people still do it.
Secondly, if someone contacts YOU out of the blue, that’s an immediate sign they’re a scammer. There are real Professional Dommes / Doms out there (I’m a Pro Dom, that’s why you’re here), but we NEVER contact total strangers. We simply don’t need to – we have websites and social media, so people find and contact us. No legitimate professional Dom/me sends out DMs to tout for subs. We also don’t crawl personal ad sites looking for clients.
And lastly, don’t rush into anything. If someone contacts you out of the blue, or even in response to a personal ad, take your time. Get to know them – scammers don’t have the patience for that and will move onto the next mark when they realise you’re not gullible.
What to do if you think you’ve fallen for this scam
Again, don’t pay anything to ANYONE you don’t know.
If you have paid anything, don’t pay anything more, even if they threaten to post any pics/videos – they never do, plus in most countries it’s illegal under “revenge porn” laws, and of course it’s also blackmail. And even if they did post them – they won’t – and anyone recognised you, you can just say “ugh, yeah I know, I somehow annoyed some idiots online and they threatened to do some sort of AI thing or something from my Facebook / Instagram / Twitter (whatever you use) pics.”
Third, block them everywhere and if they do contact you again, block them again.
2. The “My Master is willing to transfer me to a new owner” scam.
Very similar to the “Are you ready to serve a real Mistress” scam above, but this targets Doms/Tops instead of subs.
What it looks like
This seems to be more common on dating-type websites, especially the kinky ones like Feeld or Tryst, or even sugaring websites (even ones with verified profiles). I’ve also seen screenshots of it on FetLife.
Anyway, the potential victim will be approached by someone who identifies as submissive, and says that she’s looking for a new Dom/Master/Owner and strikes up conversation (again, probably over Kik so they don’t jeopardise their account on the original site).. There may even be pics and video, because unlike the Mistress scam, this does seem to involve actual women, although often it’s hacked accounts. Once the potential victim is hooked, they’ll be told that while the sub’s current “owner” is happy for her to find a new owner, there will of course be the small matter of a “transfer fee” that the victim needs to pay the current owner in order to take over the sub.
The scammer will usually want payment via something you can’t get back – crypto or Paypal Friends & Family or bank transfer – never by credit card or anything that gives you protection (when doing a bank transfer, you’ll be asked to confirm you know the recipient and to confirm it’s not a scam, so the bank will refuse a refund because you lied). Also remember that some payment services will close your account if you use it for sex-related services. If you refuse to pay, they may threaten to use any images or videos you’ve sent to blackmail you (they won’t go through with it). Since the scam seems to be happening on “legit” dating sites where you pay a membership fee – even the expensive ones – this adds an element of authenticity.
What’s the scam?
There is no sub. The victim will pay the fee, and that’s the last they’ll see of their money or the “sub”. This one has potential added risks, because it might be a form of people / sex trafficking, as the scammers might be involved in that arena, putting the victim at risk of uncomfortable conversations with law enforcement. Or at the very least, paying someone to “buy” a “sub” may be used as a form of blackmail – “Pay us more or we send these conversations to the authorities”. Since these are happening on paid membership sugaring sites, the victims may be a) wealthy and b) scared of a scandal.
Why does the scam work?
On sugar dating sites, men are already used to paying to meet women, and may think nothing of paying more to get someone they want (and do the mental gymnastics necessary to convince themselves it’s not dodgy).
How to avoid the scam
Don’t pay money to buy people.
What to do if you think you’ve fallen for this scam
Since this scam tends to target wealthy men, I’m going to say “talk to your lawyer”.
3. The Dungeon Booking / Dungeon BnB scam.
What it looks like
You either stumble across, or are told by a “Mistress” about, a “Discreet dungeon experience” where you can book an AirBnB style dungeon. There’s a website which has lots of pictures, a booking form, prices and so on. They may even appear to sell sex toys.
What’s the scam?
The dungeon doesn’t exist – the website uses pictures stolen from other, legitimate dungeons, sometimes in a different country. You won’t receive anything you buy or pay for.
Example SCAM website: Deluxe Dungeon
Legit site they copied images from: Brighton Erotic Boudoir (Brighton, UK)
This is another site that is legit, BUT their images are often stolen: Secret Dungeon (High Wycombe, UK)
Why does the scam work?
Inexperienced people think that dungeons are secrets, and that it’s all hush-hush because they’re illegal. They’re not – at least, not in places like the UK, USA, Canada, Europe etc. They’re legitimate businesses.
How to avoid the scam
The easiest way is to see if there are contact methods where you can call and ask to come and visit for a look around. A legitimate dungeon will be perfectly fine with showing you around- a scammer will put you off (assuming you can even talk to them over the phone).
Another easy way is to do a reverse image lookup (Google Images) and see if there pics on their website can be found on other sites.
What to do if you think you’ve fallen for this scam
Don’t send any money – if you have, see if you can get a refund from your payment provider, but as above, it’s usually not possible.
The Wishlist / PayPal / CashApp scam.
What it looks like
If you have a wishlist: Someone will contact you to say they’ve bought stuff off your wishlist for you because they want to spoil you or because they want to show that they’re sincere and not a time-waster (spoiler: they’re a time-waster). They’ll tell you to go and look at your wishlist, and indeed, you’ll see that things are showing that they’ve just been bought for you. Then they’ll want to jump straight into video calling “to discuss the arrangement,” or they may want you to agree to be their sub/Dom right away, or they may want you to make custom content for them, or there’ll be some other sort of demand. The idea is that by making you think they’ve already bought you stuff, you’ll be eager to keep them happy so you can get more stuff in the future, and you’ll ignore any alarm bells in your head.
If you don’t have a wishlist: Ok, this may still happen even if you do have a wishlist, but you’ll be contacted by someone who wants to send you money. They’ll ask for payment info. There are a few ways this can play out:
- They’ll claim to have sent you money, and may send you a screenshot as proof.
- Or, you might actually receive a payment.
- Or, you might get an email or a message claiming to be from PayPal / some other form of money place that says that money has been sent to you and is being held to await confirmation or something similar.
Then they’ll want to jump straight into video calling “to discuss the arrangement,” or they may want you to agree to be their sub/Dom right away, or they may want you to make custom content for them, or there’ll be some other sort of demand. The idea is that by making you think they’ve already sent you money, you’ll be eager to keep them happy so you can get more stuff in the future, and you’ll ignore any alarm bells in your head.
What’s the scam?
They haven’t sent you anything.
Wishlist: They will either cancel the wishlist purchases, or they’ve been paid for with a stolen card so the purchases will be cancelled on the store’s end when they find out, or they’ll dispute the transactions with their own bank and the purchases will be cancelled that way. They’ll initially show as being bought, but that’s why they want to get you to do stuff right away, before you discover the scam.
Cash: Same again – they’ll dispute the transaction with their bank / card supplier, or they’ve used a stolen card. Any receipt they show you or email/message you receive is fake. If you DO receive money, it will be reversed back from your account when the transaction is cancelled/reversed, and if you’ve already withdrawn it, you will now have to repay it back to the payment provider. There’s an additional risk that they may inform your bank/paypal etc that you are performing sex work, and since that’s against virtually all payment providers/banks TOS, you may lose your account and perhaps even money that’s in it.
Why does the scam work?
We all love free stuff, right? And a convincing scammer can prey on naivety / greed to make you think that if you pass this up, you might actually be missing out on something that is real.
How to avoid the scam
If someone says they’ve sent you stuff off your wishlist, say you have a standard policy of waiting for things to arrive before going any further. This is perfectly normal, and most professional content creators have this policy. A legitimate sender will be perfectly fine with this; a scammer will try to persuade you otherwise.
If someone says they’ve sent you money and you’ve received a message / picture of a receipt – it’s definitely a scam. If money has arrived in your account, tell them you have a two-week clearance period. Again, legitimate senders will be OK with this, scammers will try to persuade you. Also, even if you do wait two weeks, don’t touch the money for at least another month just in case it gets reversed. Most scammers don’t wait that long, though.
The “I know a Dom who’ll be perfect for you” scam.
What it looks like
f you’re a submissive, especially one who appears to be young and inexperienced and looking for a Dominant, you may be approached by someone claiming that they’re also a submissive woman. They’ll have a story about how they had an amazing Dominant, awesome, safe and sooo talented, but sadly they can no longer stay with him for some seemingly credible reason (usually they’re moving away, or they found a boyfriend). However, they’ll say that since you’re looking for a Dom, they’d be happy to pass your name onto him.
What’s the scam?
The “sub” who contacted you IS the “Dom”. They’re hoping that the “Hello, fellow woman” approach of pretending to be a female sub will make you less suspicious, and that if another woman is recommending him, then he must be safe.
Why does the scam work?
FOMO. It’s very common for inexperienced newcomers to kinks/BDSM to have a misconception that Doms are rare, and that if they don’t submit to the first one that comes along, they’ll miss out. That, and being horny and keen means it’s easy for people to miss – or ignore – the obvious red flag of “Well if this person is so perfect, why don’t you stay with them then?” or “Why would they be interested in a total stranger” or “I can’t imagine breaking up with my boyfriend and then going right out to find him my replacement”. Of course, not all D/s dynamics are romantic, but it’s still incredibly uncommon.
How to avoid the scam
Be VERY wary of anyone contacting you unsolicited and offering to put you in contact with someone else.
What to do if you think you’ve fallen for this scam
Be careful. If you haven’t vetted them, and just assumed they were OK because someone else told you, then vet them right away (here’s my guide on vetting people). If they have used subterfuge to get you into a dynamic, ask yourself if that sounds like someone you can trust.
The “You need to be trained before I’ll accept you” scam.
What it looks like
In some cases, this follows on from the previous scam. The basic concept is that you’ll be talking (online) to a “Dom”, who says they only work advanced / experienced subs, so if you want him to talk to you then you’ll need to be trained first. They’ll say another Dom will contact you, who they trust, and tell you to arrange training with them, and that the other Dom will let them know when you’re “ready”.
What’s the scam?
There is no other Dom – it’s the same person. They’ll convince you to travel somewhere and stay in a hotel (all at your own expense), then they’ll have sex with you a number of times under the pretence of “training”, sometimes also recording video as “training evidence” for the supposed other Dom. Then when they’ve had enough of you, they’ll declare that you’re no good, and they’re not going to recommend you to the original Dom (which is still them).
Why does the scam work?
As above, it’s FOMO and the myth that BDSM is some sort of exclusive club. They’ll prey on your vulnerability.
How to avoid the scam
Be VERY wary of anyone contacting you unsolicited and offering to put you in contact with someone else.
What to do if you think you’ve fallen for this scam
Be careful. If you haven’t vetted them, and just assumed they were OK because someone else told you, then vet them right away (here’s my guide on vetting people). If they have used subterfuge to get you into a dynamic, ask yourself if that sounds like someone you can trust.