So you want to give anal a try and see what all the fuss is about? Alright, here’s your complete guide!
First, some basics.
Ignore what you see in porn. You can’t grab a partner as soon as they walk through the door, bend them over and slam a big thick cock or dildo straight up their butt. At least, not without injuring them, and probably yourself (either by hurting your dick or when they turn round and punch you in the face).
Anal play needs preparation, especially if it’s not something you do often. You’ll also need to communicate with your partner more than you normally might during sex, so don’t be shy!
There are different anal play activities; you might not like everything, and that’s ok. On that note, this guide is written with the assumption that you WANT to try anal sex – if you don’t, then that is your choice and yours alone to make. Anal sex isn’t for everyone; some people love it, some hate it, and some are indifferent. If you don’t want anything near your butt, that is fine. If you’re playing with someone who doesn’t like a certain activity, or doesn’t want anal sex at all, respect that. Don’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do. On top of the sheer wrongness, trying to penetrate an unenthusiastic ass can lead to damage (as always, CONSENT IS IMPERATIVE).
Lastly – forget what you’ve seen in porn. Real anal isn’t quite as glamorous, but it’s still bloody awesome.
Before we get on to the practical side, time to bust some myths:
It’s easy to sneak your cock up someones ass without them noticing
Oh they’re gonna notice. Generally this is the sort of thing guys say when they’re pretending they’ve had anal sex to impress their mates.
It’s as clean as in porn
Unlikely. Porn actors will have anally douched a number of times before the scene, and the real pros will have kept to a strict diet for 2-3 days before an anal scene.
It’s gonna be messy and smelly
Not necessarily. Anal sex only involves the anus and the rectum, which is the very end of the digestive tract. Feces only turns up here when it’s on the way out, so there’s unlikely to be anything significant hanging around for you to bump into. Having said that, there may be some traces if a douche hasn’t been used- so don’t be surprised if you do see something. Keep some wet wipes handy and you’ll be fine. And yes, since you’ll be dealing with the hole farts come out of, there may be some smells – let’s all be grown-ups, ok? The main cause of mess will be the lube you’ll be using.
If you don’t prepare, or you’re not relaxed, then it might hurt- I’ll talk you through it. Done properly, it won’t hurt, although it might be uncomfortable at first until you’re used to it.
It’s gay for a guy to put something up his ass
Don’t be daft. Unless it’s a penis attached to another guy, it’s not gay to put something up your ass. Once you’ve experienced a prostate orgasm you’ll want it all the time…
You can go from ass to pussy/mouth
NO. In porn they do this, but they’ve spent days prepping and cleaning. There’s all manner of bacteria up your butt, and if it ends up in your pussy, you’ll likely get infections. If you want to do “Ass to pussy” or “Ass to mouth”, use condoms and remove them or replace them before putting anything in a different hole. Mouth to ass or pussy to ass is fine, but tbh condoms are easy to whip off and make clean up easy.
Your ass will leak
No. It might take a couple of minutes for your ass to completely close up again if you’ve had a large plug up there for hours, but there won’t be any long-term issues.
Ok, with all that said, let’s get down to it.
You’ll need a few things:
Silicone-based lube is best for anal, but don’t use it with silicone sex toys as it can degrade them. Get plenty. I wrote a thread on lube here:
- Wetwipes and a towel
As I mentioned earlier, mess is likely, especially since you’ll be using a fair bit of lube. Keep wetwipes and a towel handy to make cleanup a breeze.
- (Optional) An anal toy
Your finger is a great way to experiment, but you’ll be better off with a small anal probe (not a buttplug) – it’s smoother and there’s no need to trim your fingernails. Get something narrow, ideally with a ring on the end you can slip a finger through – this will make it easier to hold on to when you’ve got lube everywhere.
The first few times you practice anal will be slow. Take your time. The number one cause of pain is rushing.
Ok, got your lube and wipes? Great – now it’s time to relax. My advice is to try anal by yourself before letting anyone else near it – and yes, this goes for guys too. Practice on yourself first, then you’ll know how to talk your partner through it if they haven’t done it before.
I find a great way to get in the mood is to have a nice, long bath. Use your favourite bubblebath, dim the lights, pop some candles around the bathroom and relax. Maybe read a sexy story or audiobook on your waterproof kindle/phone, put on some Enigma, whatever works for you. Perhaps even a small glass of wine – not enough to get drunk (you need to be sober for trying anal) but just enough to relax. Half a glass, even. And before you get in the bath, get everything ready – put the lube, anal probe (if you have one) and wipes next to your bed or wherever you’re going to play, and put some towels on the radiator to warm up.
When you’re nicely relaxed, get out of the bath and dry yourself off. Take the warm towels and place them ready for you to lie on top of, and get comfortable. Put the lube, toy and wipes within easy reach.
First thing you’re going to do is squeeze some lube onto your finger tips and apply it to your butthole. There’s no such thing as “too much” – the wetter the better! Massage it onto and into your ass. If you have trimmed nails, you can start to gently press a fingertip into the centre of the ring, but just take the time to play with your ass. Many people find the perineum (the skin between asshole and genitals) is very sensitive and fun to play with, so explore yourself! Get comfortable with what your body feels like and how it responds.
When you’re ready to go further, apply some more lube to your finger or anal probe, and carry on gently, slowly pressing against your asshole.
You will feel resistance, this is because your ass is designed to stay shut as much as possible and let stuff out, not in. You probably know your asshole is a muscle called a “sphincter”, but it’s actually two sphincters and they don’t relax as quickly as the other muscles in your body. Take it slow, breathe, and get used to the sensations you’re feeling. Squeeze and relax your ass like when you’re on the toilet and you’ll get the idea. If you’re using your finger, you’ll probably feel the tightness as your fingertip goes through the sphincters and then once you’re past that, it opens up into the larger rectum area. The sphincter muscles are about an inch from outside to inside. Further up – about six inches – the colon bends, so don’t be trying to jam a foot-long pole up there, ok?
TAKE YOUR TIME. If you want to remove your finger/toy, do it slowly. You can keep adding more lube. Stop moving your finger/toy if it gets uncomfortable and let your body adjust for a few minutes. And don’t forget to breathe! Don’t hold your breath. You might find that playing with yourself helps too – see what works. The whole point of this is to figure out what you like, how your body reacts, and what works for you, so that when you’re with someone else, you’re ready to go.
BE PATIENT. You don’t need to get your whole finger/toy all the way in first time – just the tip is good enough! If you’re enjoying yourself, then by all means continue – just take it slow. When you’ve had enough, slowly withdraw your finger/toy, use the wipes and tidy up.
If you experienced any pain, don’t worry. If you used lots of lube, and your nails were trimmed, it’s unlikely you’ve done any damage; your ass is designed to stay closed, so it’s normal for some discomfort at first. Small tears are not uncommon and usually heal up in a few days, so don’t be alarmed if you see a drop or two of blood.
Go through this routine a few times until you’re comfortable with what you’re doing. When you think you’re ready for more, try a small buttplug – something with a wide base so it can’t accidentally slip up your butt. Don’t be a hero – start small. Buttplugs are wider than a finger or anal probe, so go through the relaxing and everything again, and take it slow. Once the widest part of the bulb is through the sphincter, you’ll feel your ass pretty much “swallow” the rest until just the base is left – that’s fine. Leave it in for a few minutes the first time, then slowly remove it. Go slowly, and you may well recognise the sensation of your body pushing it out – that’s fine. Only leave the plug in for a few minutes more each time – 20 minutes is perfectly acceptable.
Once you’re used to it, you can start to leave it in longer – but not for hours at a time until you really know what you’re doing. Remove it at the first sign of discomfort and let your ass recover. Definitely don’t leave a plug in overnight (especially not if some guy on the internet tells you to), or for days at a time.
When you’re comfortable, it’s time to give it a go with a partner. You might want to start again with the relaxing bath, massage and so on – whatever works for you. Don’t let yourself be rushed; it’s your body, you should be the one to control the session. Ideally start with a toy or their finger and teach them how your ass works and what you like. Remind them to use lots of lube. Communicate, tell them to slow down or stop, don’t be shy. If you need to, remind them that if you don’t enjoy it, they won’t get to do it again, so it’s in their interest to listen to you.
You might find that inserting a plug before a planned anal session helps you – if that works for you, go for it! It can be very hot if your partner finds it unexpectedly…
So there we go; that’s Anal 101. Remember:
- Use lots of silicone lube
- Go slow
- Use more lube
- Don’t rush
- More lube